If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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