I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
