Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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