Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
