Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
