Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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