brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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