hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
