He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
