Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
