I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she told me i tasted like america
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
