Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
