Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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