Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my sisters under your porch take her home
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
