I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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