it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
