Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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