I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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