I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
