I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
