Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
