I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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