I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
