so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
