Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
