a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
