Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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