just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
