Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
