I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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