Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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