i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
