Just fell off a train. Bad.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
