The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
