I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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