I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
