It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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