hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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