so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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