So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
