She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
