I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
