apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
