I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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