i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
