I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
