He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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