and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
