Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
