2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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