im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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