I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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