Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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