she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
