He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
